On Father’s Day

My Dearest Papa,

Hugs Hugs Hugs🤗🤗🤗. I am back, with yet another letter on yet another Father’s Day. So first is first. I Missed You, lots and lots. I Love You and think of you every day won’t say it doesn’t hurt anymore, it does, it still does, but see, it’s healing. I am doing good, I know you already know but let me say it and feel the words in my bones “I am doing good”. I get all the help you send me, the gifts too, and the flowers. Yeahhhh, I got those Mogra you used to get for me, they are growing in the plants of our patio and the cake you sent through my cousin on my birthday, I got that too. I got your birthday present also, along with your message to hone my creative writing. I am working on it, I know that you are expecting something great from me this year, I am trying hard to deliver.

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This one reminds me of all the times when I would tell you to take me along on your tours obliviously making you helpless.

I know you have scolded me twice these days for binging on sweets, I am trying to get off them but you I have a weakness for sweets. You know, I am learning so much, trying to use significant words as you did. You remember that time when I was just four or five, that summer you took Mum and me and Uncle to Nainital, and we were strolling down the Mall Road there while I was holding your finger in my fist. Sure you do remember, how often you used to tell me that anecdote of mine when I would leave your hand and walk into any store that had glittering lights and colours and then you had to pick me up so I won’t walk away. You know I remember a li’l bit of that day too. I remember you talking to uncle, and you used a particular word that seemed like a real heavy and tough word to me, I practised it, memorised it, because I wanted to be like you, you were always my hero. That word was “of course”, haha, yeahh, such a simple word but to me, it was no less than Oxford dictionary back then. But now I can even make out what Shashi Tharoor says, haha. I so wish you could see me today, but then, you are always watching over me.

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This one is so you and me Papa, I remember how you used to cover me within a blanket and tell me it’s our cave.

Mumma is better, thank you for that. She dances sometimes; it makes my heart ache with pride. She has a fighters spirit. So much she lost but not once she let her pain reach me and she learned to be on her own. It makes a weight lift off my chest when I see her laugh and dance. Now, she even goes to movies sometimes, and you won’t believe how tech savvy she has become since her new phone. She misses you, she still needs you but what’s sanguine is the fact that she believes in her heart that you are still with us, that’s her strength, it keeps her going. She isn’t even angry at God like me. Papa, sometimes, without a reason, just like you did, she kisses me and loves me, now I don’t need to prompt her to do it, she does it on her own, thank you, Papa.

I won’t say life is a bed of Roses, but it’s not a walk on embers either. There are new wounds on both of us, on our person and our hearts but we stand after each fall, we hold each other securely. Wagon R has got old, and so has your Blackberry, I think they both will have to go. I think we will be selling your office soon. No, not for the money, but just because it’s in a dilapidated condition and it hurts to see it like that. You must be wondering, what’s with the letting go thing. You know after this long time what I realised, I will have to let go off all your materialistic things, tangible things one day, just like I had to let go of your physical presence, but I won’t ever ever ever let go on you, your memories, your values and your love. Yes, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s car’, ‘Papa’s Phone’, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s Office’ just like I miss calling you ‘Papa’. I miss all those love names; I miss the pseudo fights, I miss those long conversations and that companionable silence. I miss your footfalls in the corridor and your positivity in my heart.

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This makes me so nostalgic, I can still hear your voice when you had promised me that you are my wall and till you are with me, nothing bad or evil touches me.

There’s so much to say; I am not done yet. But then I can write volumes and tomes to you. I wish this weren’t a one-sided talk; I wish you were here and talking to me right now. I wish Mum had you by her side and I didn’t have to see that shadow of feeling odd one out between couples. I almost get so nostalgic for your voice that it’s unbearable.

You know I didn’t want to grow up. Sometimes I still feel like whining and throwing a tantrum that I want you. I still want to be the unreasonable li’l girl that wanted her father in hard times, bad times, good times, fun times; testing times come what may. The girl who called you up in Chennai and told you to come back home sooner and you humoured her with a beautiful lie by saying Yes. I want to wait for you at the door, checking the time every few minutes and run to you at the sounds of your wheels on the gravel, run like the wind in your arms and not let go. I want to forget everything except the father who didn’t just gave me life but taught me how to live it with my head held high. But, I am proud to say that the li’l girl is a bittersweet memory to me now and this woman writing to you has finally decided to grow up. She’s matured and wants to shoulder her responsibility. Just stay by my side and guide me on the way. You are still my Hero!

Happy Father’s Day Papa! 🌹
I Love You Forever And Ever❤️❤️❤️

Your loving daughter,
Gudiya

PS: You have left everything that was once yours with me but remembers, you still owe me perfume and 2.5 Lacs, and I always have been a good bookkeeper.

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Raised From The Pit – XIII

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The next morning Binoy woke up in the same old ramshackle and dilapidated hut that was home to the four boys. He saw all the other three boys sleeping and didn’t disturb them; it was a li’l too early to start the day. He went through his old morning routine and then went to the shopkeeper who used to give him roses to sell.

“Kaka, Roses?” Binoy asked in an accustomed tone.

The shopkeeper looked up and did a double take. “Binoy??!!! You? Here?” Kaka’s face was like a picture that changed emotions with realisation and Binoy’s head hung.

“What are you doing back here? I was told you had been taken up to live with some rich and educated couple to their home.” Kaka’s tone was part accusatory and part melancholic. He took one glimpse at Binoy’s fallen face and nodded with lowered eyes. “Ohhh!!! So it was the…

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RAISED FROM THE PIT- XII

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“Bhaiya, I want to tell you something.” Binoy bit his lower lip contemplating if to spill the truth or fabricate a new lie. The facts might let Aru Di believe him, but Arnab Bhaiya would surely go back to being dubious and apathetic towards him and that too when they had just bonded. He couldn’t risk it. If he had to leave this place, then he would not be thrown out like a thief but go quietly letting them believe he was just a good-for-nothing boy.

He must have looked silly standing there thinking because Arnab stood up and came to Binoy placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking him hard.

“Binoy! You wanted to me something?” Asked Arnab and Binoy gulped, nodding.

“Three….I…I saw…..” Binoy was sweating now “I saw three rats creating racquet in the kitchen!!!” He lied.

Arunima got up at once, “NO! Not the rats…

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RAISED FROM THE PIT – IX

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Three months, 90 days, they were someone’s vacation, someone’s honeymoon, someone’s first trimester, someone’s school term but for Binoy, the three months on the roads were a harsh teacher, an experience that taught him some hard driven lessons that would stay with him one lifetime. To sleep on an empty stomach, to be towed from one place to another by the police at night, to be shooed away by the people in posh cars like a stray dog and to live alone, all alone, and no one to call his own.

Binoy was not a kid. He was a boy of 14, a teenager as indecisive, rebellious and confused as any other boy of his age. His body was changing, and so were his thought process, his beliefs and his ideals. A time when boys need a mother to help shape her son’s future and a father to guide him…

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The Beginning Of The End!

Yes!!! We are there. At the beginning of the end. I can see it. Clear as water and in my face like this screen on which I am typing. It’s close, Extremely Close!!!

Everything comes to an end someday. Everything and everyone has a shelf life. Human life, Relationships, Friendships, Love, Good Times, Hard Times and Life. Each one has an expiry date.

And then comes the eternal question “If to be happy it happened or be sad that it ended?” I like everyone, have no answer to this question. Philosophers like Rumi, Socrates, Plato and Aristotle have not been able to answer this question.

Each heart is a whole universe, and each mind is a different cosmos. I always believe that we are made of stardust, and everything shall return to being dust once again. But what legacy do we leave behind? No, not that one, not the money and the land and the fame and the heritage but our mark upon this Earth.

Earth too shall seize to exist one day. Swallowed up by the one she loves. Her Sun. And then the Sun, the eternal life-giving source will turn to nothingness. It will become a black mass that will suck everything that touches it.

Haha, a sudden thought came to me. “Love Triangle” The thing our filmmakers and story writers love to exploit. It’s the first example is set by nature and this solar system. How the Ever Romantic Moon revolves and rotates around his beloved, The Mighty Earth but she only has eyes for her lover, The Life-Giving Sun and rotates and revolves around her, dancing on her axis like a woman possessed by obsessive love. She too chose the stronger one to be her match. And The Sun, who rises to make Earth come alive and full of life and Oh! How she thrives in his presence, her rivers lush with water, her trees laden with fruits, her skies full of rain clouds. He looms over her, making love to her, and she welcomes his heat, absorbing it into her soil to give birth to the many spoils from her womb.

Evening comes, and with the promise of tomorrow this lover of hers bids her goodbye and emerges The moon, shyly, to cool his beloved, to let her rest and lull her to sleep in the silver effulgence of his presence as he watches her fall into a deep slumber. He wants nothing from her, he is happy to see her from a distance, and his love turns to tears of morning dew that are settled over The Earth as The Sun comes back up rousing his sweetheart from the deep slumber and The Moon wordlessly recedes into nothingness, never competing for his place.

This happens each night, and the only one it takes a toll on is The Moon as his own unfulfilled concupiscence and passions consume him. He vanishes every night bit by bit until he decides not to come to visit Earth anymore and that one night of No Moon is the night when Earth comes to know the value of her silent admirer and his love for her. Absolute and complete darkness befall her, and she can’t sleep a wink. No one to sing her songs of love, no breeze to take off the heat. She summons The Moon back, and he can’t stay away as well. From then on for next fortnight The Moon comes back, letting his full luminosity lit up The Earth only to bear the same pangs of unbidden love and once again go through the ordeal of being a Secret Admirer.

This eternal love story too will come to an end when The Sun will one day scorch The Moon and then his Love-Bound Earth out of sheer ego and pride because such vices let no one stay happy and noble. But then comes the wrath of lost love, the pangs of missing something so precious, the heartache of not having his sweetheart by his side. That is when The Sun will collide back on itself like a self-destructive lover and become nothing but a shell of his former grandeur self.

Yes, this where our tale ends. No, not a tale, LoveStory. You might be thinking what I am trying to say my tale was about. I am myself thinking the same thing. But sometimes it is essential to give words to your thought, however incoherent they might be.

But I am smiling for “I was here. I saw it happen. I was part of this colossal tale. I witnessed the three lovers, and I loved with them, pined with them, lost with them.”

That my friends are my footprint in this cosmos.

I WAS THERE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE END!!!

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THE TOPOGRAPHY OF TEARS

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Tears from laughing until cryingTears from laughing until crying

Tears of changeTears of change

Tears of griefTears of grief

Tears from onionsTears from onions

Basal tearsBasal tears

Tears of timeless reunionTears of timeless reunion

Tears of ending and beginningTears of ending and beginning

Tears of momentum, redirectedTears of momentum redirected

Tears of releaseTears of release

Tears of possibility and hopeTears of possibility and hope

Tears of elation at a liminal momentTears of elation at a liminal moment

Tears of remembranceTears of remembrance

You must be wondering these are sketches done by some brilliant artist who has given a pencil to his imagination of tears of different causes, but that is not what this is. These are microscopic images of tears of different reasons taken by a photographer named Rose-Lynn Fisher. Yes!!! Just like snowflakes, every tear has a different formation. 

Tears are always an emotional thing but if we look at the scientific aspect of tears, we cry three basic type of tears that are, Basal, Psychic and Reflex Tears ranging from one that keeps the eyes lubricated to the ones that are the outcome…

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THE VIRTUAL SUGAR CANDY

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The online world creates a virtual connection between people. It allows us to more efficiently gather news about family, friends, acquaintances, celebrities and so on. The virtual connection inspires many fantasies and fools people into believing they know much more than they know. It provides a way for people to connect with many more people than they can in person.

For shy people, the online world creates a safer way to reach out and get to know more people. It helps find people who appear to be like you much more quickly. It makes a lot of people feel less alone.

The online world makes it a lot easier to gather information that is useful in our lives. We can find the cheapest place to buy something. We can find health information that saves our lives. We can find employment or business opportunities we would probably never find if there…

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