On Father’s Day

My Dearest Papa,

Hugs Hugs Hugs🤗🤗🤗. I am back, with yet another letter on yet another Father’s Day. So first is first. I Missed You, lots and lots. I Love You and think of you every day won’t say it doesn’t hurt anymore, it does, it still does, but see, it’s healing. I am doing good, I know you already know but let me say it and feel the words in my bones “I am doing good”. I get all the help you send me, the gifts too, and the flowers. Yeahhhh, I got those Mogra you used to get for me, they are growing in the plants of our patio and the cake you sent through my cousin on my birthday, I got that too. I got your birthday present also, along with your message to hone my creative writing. I am working on it, I know that you are expecting something great from me this year, I am trying hard to deliver.

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This one reminds me of all the times when I would tell you to take me along on your tours obliviously making you helpless.

I know you have scolded me twice these days for binging on sweets, I am trying to get off them but you I have a weakness for sweets. You know, I am learning so much, trying to use significant words as you did. You remember that time when I was just four or five, that summer you took Mum and me and Uncle to Nainital, and we were strolling down the Mall Road there while I was holding your finger in my fist. Sure you do remember, how often you used to tell me that anecdote of mine when I would leave your hand and walk into any store that had glittering lights and colours and then you had to pick me up so I won’t walk away. You know I remember a li’l bit of that day too. I remember you talking to uncle, and you used a particular word that seemed like a real heavy and tough word to me, I practised it, memorised it, because I wanted to be like you, you were always my hero. That word was “of course”, haha, yeahh, such a simple word but to me, it was no less than Oxford dictionary back then. But now I can even make out what Shashi Tharoor says, haha. I so wish you could see me today, but then, you are always watching over me.

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This one is so you and me Papa, I remember how you used to cover me within a blanket and tell me it’s our cave.

Mumma is better, thank you for that. She dances sometimes; it makes my heart ache with pride. She has a fighters spirit. So much she lost but not once she let her pain reach me and she learned to be on her own. It makes a weight lift off my chest when I see her laugh and dance. Now, she even goes to movies sometimes, and you won’t believe how tech savvy she has become since her new phone. She misses you, she still needs you but what’s sanguine is the fact that she believes in her heart that you are still with us, that’s her strength, it keeps her going. She isn’t even angry at God like me. Papa, sometimes, without a reason, just like you did, she kisses me and loves me, now I don’t need to prompt her to do it, she does it on her own, thank you, Papa.

I won’t say life is a bed of Roses, but it’s not a walk on embers either. There are new wounds on both of us, on our person and our hearts but we stand after each fall, we hold each other securely. Wagon R has got old, and so has your Blackberry, I think they both will have to go. I think we will be selling your office soon. No, not for the money, but just because it’s in a dilapidated condition and it hurts to see it like that. You must be wondering, what’s with the letting go thing. You know after this long time what I realised, I will have to let go off all your materialistic things, tangible things one day, just like I had to let go of your physical presence, but I won’t ever ever ever let go on you, your memories, your values and your love. Yes, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s car’, ‘Papa’s Phone’, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s Office’ just like I miss calling you ‘Papa’. I miss all those love names; I miss the pseudo fights, I miss those long conversations and that companionable silence. I miss your footfalls in the corridor and your positivity in my heart.

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This makes me so nostalgic, I can still hear your voice when you had promised me that you are my wall and till you are with me, nothing bad or evil touches me.

There’s so much to say; I am not done yet. But then I can write volumes and tomes to you. I wish this weren’t a one-sided talk; I wish you were here and talking to me right now. I wish Mum had you by her side and I didn’t have to see that shadow of feeling odd one out between couples. I almost get so nostalgic for your voice that it’s unbearable.

You know I didn’t want to grow up. Sometimes I still feel like whining and throwing a tantrum that I want you. I still want to be the unreasonable li’l girl that wanted her father in hard times, bad times, good times, fun times; testing times come what may. The girl who called you up in Chennai and told you to come back home sooner and you humoured her with a beautiful lie by saying Yes. I want to wait for you at the door, checking the time every few minutes and run to you at the sounds of your wheels on the gravel, run like the wind in your arms and not let go. I want to forget everything except the father who didn’t just gave me life but taught me how to live it with my head held high. But, I am proud to say that the li’l girl is a bittersweet memory to me now and this woman writing to you has finally decided to grow up. She’s matured and wants to shoulder her responsibility. Just stay by my side and guide me on the way. You are still my Hero!

Happy Father’s Day Papa! 🌹
I Love You Forever And Ever❤️❤️❤️

Your loving daughter,
Gudiya

PS: You have left everything that was once yours with me but remembers, you still owe me perfume and 2.5 Lacs, and I always have been a good bookkeeper.

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A SNOWFLAKE’S TALE – PART XIII

Candles Online

This winter was proving to be the hardest winter of her life. All Meera could do now was wait. Wait for the embryo she was supposed to carry which would take more than a month, and then it was all luck. It will take another ten days to confirm if she got pregnant. And if all went well, they would bring her Sia to her then. It meant at least 40 more days. She closed her eyes and murmured, ‘Just a little more time Doll. Hang in there. Just a little more patience, Mumma will come to get you.’

Meera was put on meds and injections from the next day, hormones and chemicals her body needed, to prepare itself for the pregnancy. They were making her body receptive for the transplant. Meera was told that commercial surrogacy was illegal in India now, and thus all the paperwork clearly states that…

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A SNOWFLAKE’S TALE – PART X

Candles Online

Kamya and Samar were all smiles as their eyes went over the crowd of kids in all ages and sizes. Two boys were scuffling over a toy truck, a small girl was learning how to play the harmonica from a boy her age a, and a tiny baby girl was crawling between the beds. Kamya picked up the crawling baby girl and held her while the baby touched her cheek with his small hands. Kamya closed her eyes and pressed the baby to her bosom, ‘Oh! What joy it is to hold a baby.’She thought while Samar beamed at her and nodded.

He ran a hand on the baby’s head, and she cooed, making babbling noises, and the couple couldn’t help but laugh. Mr and Mrs Shaw were watching this from the sides; this was not a rare scenario for them. Every couple who comes to take a…

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THAT’S ALL, FOLKS!!!

Candles Online

So, we are once again at the crossover. Once again hoping that the next year will be great. Once again retrospecting what this passing year gave us, took from us, left with us.

I am thinking how to fill this page, but I am filled with a weird sort of void. At the same time, I am overwhelmed with all that happened.

I won’t say it was one of the best years of my life, but then good, better and best, these superlatives are perceptions, depending on our sagacity. I took one great hit this year, an emotional trauma that I am not able to forget and move on. It cost me deeply, it cost me some cherished bonds and lots of trusts.

I also saw two of my very close family members suffer greatly owing to terminal diseases and I am unsure whether they will be with us for…

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A SNOWFLAKE’S TALE – PART I

Candles Online

Winters are Here!!!“, Exclaimed little Sia as she gazed out of her small room window, with her button nose sticking to the glass of the window pane. Her eyes were wide open in awe, as she saw nothing but white and fluffy snow cover the neighbourhood as far as she could see. Trees, cars, houses, lampposts, all were coated in white overnight, and it looked like Christmas Town from her crystal ball.

Mom, I will make Snowman and play with Hrishi after we make a snow castle in the yard.” She informed her mother excitedly and added, “And Dad and I will have a snowball fight once he is back.” She concluded as her mother picked the 5 yr old from the bed on her back like a gunny sack and prattled in the room. Little did Sia know that her Dad was never…

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Let Us Celebrate Ourselves

world4womencom

NOTE: Don’t be under impression that I am not writing these days.  I am constantly busy scribbling notes for my kids 😁.

Its been an elongated period of festivals and celebrations – veneration, delicacies, get- together, dressing up and what not. Festivals have always been an amalgamation of the aforesaid and also an integral part of our culture and lives.  They bring in excitement and joy.  Mere mention of festivals is enough to get us on our toes, isn’t it?

Why we should celebrate festivals?  To put it simply, we should celebrate to keep our culture alive and to pass on the baton of our traditions to our offsprings. It’s our responsibility to hold on to our identity of ethnicity along with being ethical.  Our distance from the core (our motherland) shouldn’t impact our enthusiasm to celebrate our festivals for we are the sole point of information as far as…

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I AM IN THE SPOTLIGHT – Saakshi

Candles Online

Ohk, so here I am sitting on a comfortable chair in my home and somewhere is Prerna Aditi, hopefully sitting in her comfy chair in her home as we conduct this one on one interview. Yeah, I know I am taking the liberty to feel like a celebrity, but then again, why not, I have always loved watching Koffee With Karan.

Jokes apart this quest to know each a little better is one step further we have taken in the Candles Family to bond and feel connected. I appreciate and thank Prerna Aditi for taking the time to make this questionnaire and now let me answer them as honestly as I can.

Prerna Aditi’s Questionnaire:

1. What is the first thing you want to see when you wake up every morning?

Ans: It has been my habit to make sure the people I love are alright first thing in the…

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