Today, a year has passed since my last birthday. Yes, you guessed it right, today on January 20th is my birthday. So today I want to tell something to my younger self from the year 2016, she needs a letter from me. Actually, I have two letters.
Life is an all time low. You are worried sick about mum’s health. You are missing papa badly. I know your pain, I went through it. I wouldn’t tell you that you stayed stationary while everyone else moved on. I won’t tell you that you worry too much. I won’t ask you to move on. I know how many times you already heard all this. I know you are much stronger and much improved since yourself from 2012, 20th January. I love you, it was a very tough journey you made. I have counted all your tears, and I know as you read this letter you won’t trust it’s from a future you. I sound too cheerful to believe. But this is the very purpose I am writing this letter. You need to know.
You need to know that life will get better as this year passes. You will have friends on next birthday, yes friends. Don’t look so disinterested, and don’t roll eyes, I know you are a real pessimist but you need to listen. By this time next year, you will have unconditional love, undying friendship, passion for writing, goal to achieve, resolution to fulfil, books to write, a blog to run, a name in writers community, a small space for yourself among legends and you will live happily. Don’t be so surprised my love, I am not like the astrologers papa consulted, who made so many promises but all in vain. Wipe those tears and let me hug you real tight. Let me kiss you endlessly.
The thing you need to know is that you will find everything you need. Not a penny less, not a penny more. That the magic you are waiting to happen, will happen, just you won’t see the magician with a wand in his hand. Papa will lead you to great things baby. He will guide you every step. Mum will be fine, she has nothing, no scary diseases. You will happy, she will be glad for you. And you will find a wizard who will weave all your dreams in a fabric and adorn you with it. You will find someone you have always wanted, to share ever pain with, to hear it all out, to give you a million smiles. He will be there to cherish you and value you. And there is some surprise there too. Just don’t look too hard, let your heart be your guide and never think twice. You will find people who will lead happiness to you. You don’t even need to try.
I know you are so weary and so tired of playing games, of making flowers from quilling, but just hang in there. I know you are thinking of birthdays that were celebrated with papa, but you and me, however we cry, Papa, can’t come in that same form. But know that he never left us either, he was with you, he is with me, he will be with us. Don’t let yourself go into that darkness, I know it’s beckoning you, I know it’s calling you. Just know that you do have a future. Stay. Be sane. Be safe. And I will always love you, you will have me, come what may. Happy Birthday to you !
PS: Stop hating doctors. And yes, mum is doing great to put all the cash in bank, trust her. 😋
My second letter
A letter to my older self, from 20th of January 2018
Hello, how are you ? Hope you are doing great. I am looking forward to meet you already. You know I am writing this you on your last birthday. How is mum ? Have you got made Chinese once again ? That would be a hat-trick. I know you love Chinese. How is your bronchitis and allergies ? RG must be a banker by now ? You met him ? Or has he given up on you ? Sri must be doing MD, what hospital he got into ? It must have been thrilling when he did it. I know how much you missed him. He is still around, right ? C.P. Must be still the same helpful and jovial godfather to you. Tell me he is better too, I do wanna hear that. Too many questions, but I am so thrilled and eager. You know me, bipolar, too happy or too sad. But I have improved. Hope you are even better.
So finished your first book? I think you planned some 32 to 35 chapters. You are too lazy, I hope it’s not eating dust somewhere. And what happened to epic, tell me? To Arjan and to Nakshatra and to Vidyut and Kaya? Don’t tell me, which ones dead? I loved them all, my characters. How is Shubhi doing? And Abhi? Are they with you right now? Give my love to them all. And Hey! Tell me about the blog, how is it going? You must have done wonders by now. How many followers you have? And how many posts you made? Last time I knew your agenda was once per day. But you are crazy enough to make it two or three. You were always stubborn and determined. And still quilling sometimes? What became of dance? I bet you haven’t changed One Plus Three, mum will kill you.
How are Ram and Noorie, stop beating him yaar. Are you happy? Don’t let me know you are sad. I know you are being nostalgic. I know you well girl. You hate separation, goodbye, parting. I know you are missing papa. Heard his voice recording today. Hope no termites showed up again. Munmun must still be eating Paneer daily. Chachi, Akanksha, Guddu, all fine na ? Any news if you becoming an aunt yet ? Hahahaha, inside joke I know. Don’t be angry yaar. You know me na. You remember 2016, good year it was, tell me how was 2017 ? Write all the answers in a letter and send it to me. Chacha must be retired now ? And Mama, still here or gone back home ? Remember what great Gajar Halwa he brought.
I love you, I wish you to be happier than I am. A tight hug and lots of kisses from me. Don’t cry, if things aren’t so good, don’t cry, it will be better again. Remember, what papa used to say, “life comes in a full circle”. I give you all my good wishes and all my hope and all my blessings and all my love. I want you to have everything. I want you to be love and be loved. I want you to be healthy, hail and hearty. I want you to be celebrating this birthday with all your friends, more than I have. I want you to have a great party. Just know that I love you already, just know papa hasn’t left you, just know mum loves you no less.
PS: I was planning to invest some money in share market, will it be good?