50 Things you would never know if it weren’t for TV!
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear, preferably carrying candles which will be blown out by the slightest draft.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
- All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
- It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- Once applied, lipstick and any other make-up will never rub off – even while scuba diving and sleeping.
- The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place and leads to any location in the building, including the safe. No one will ever think of looking for you in there.
- You’re likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. English with a German accent will do, provided you are blonde.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
- People never finish their drinks.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds afterwards. This generally leads to a sex scene.
- The chief of police is always wrong.
- When paying for a taxi, just grab a note from your pocket and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15 cm.
- Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
- Any American movie would contain a car chase unless it were made by Walt Disney. Cars and trucks that crash will always burst into flames after they have come to a standstill and the hero is running away from it at 5 to 10 meters distance.
- Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist makes a man invulnerable to bullets, provided he is the main character. Unimportant bad guys are killed instantaneously with one shot or punch. Famous bad guys nearly shoot the hero savagely before they are killed.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
- If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath – even if it’s the middle of the afternoon.
- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth, were well-fed, wore clean clothes and make-up.
- Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
- All single women have a cat.
- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
- Even when driving down an entirely straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Similarly, when driving a curvy road, the slightest movement of the steering wheel will do the job.
- One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
- Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
- If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, “Hello? Hello?”
- Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. If two men attack at the same time, the one behind you will firmly hold you up so you can free your legs to kick the one coming from the front. If two men simultaneously attack from left and right, just a step backwards is sufficient to have them knock each other out.
- During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, one stands behind them and talk to their back.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- Dogs always know who’s bad and will naturally bark at them.
- Police departments give their officers undergo personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
- Action heroes never eat and drink when chased for weeks, do not go to the toilet or need more than 5 minutes of sleep per day.
- Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage, despite laying entire cities to waste.
- No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
- If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a heavy thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
- You can always find a chainsaw whenever you’re likely to need one.
- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- There are three types of criminals: megalomaniacs, Italian mafioso and brain-dead muscle packs.
- Many musical instruments – especially wind instruments and accordions – can be played with moving the fingers randomly.
- All bombs are camouflaged using electronic timing devices with large red displays, showing exactly when the device will detonate. They are always disarmed by clipping one of two wires when the clock shows 3 seconds or less.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, cars need not be locked, nor keys were taken out. If keys are taken out of the ignition, they should be left on top of the sunshade.
- Guns are like disposable razors – if you run out of bullets, they should be thrown away. You can always find a new one which is loaded.
- The weather always indicates what will happen next: rain will bring sadness (unless the film is called ‘Singing in the Rain’), Thunder will bring fear and accidents.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty and continues the case in his own time.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Mother is not a word. Mother is the whole different language. She is the language understood only by her children. Only the mother and her kids are privy to this language, it exists for them, by them, between them. No third person can ever comprehend it. Though, like all languages, this too has some set rules and dynamics.
I will tell you a few things about a few things that are typical to all mother-kid duo.
- A mother is the one who understands us even before we are born and opened our eyes in this world. She took care of us for the nine months we were nothing but trouble to her. She suffered and went through so much pain to bring us forth. She is our first home.
- Even though she was going through hell, her heart ached for our first cry. She was already possessive of us. She was already telling the nurses and the doctors to handle us with care. Like she knew us from long back like we have shared a bond forever and we were always a part of her. She was the one our first words, saw us take our first steps. Each one an epic moment for her.
- Then comes endless sleepless nights for her on our account. But never once she complained, comprehended our cries, making out which one is for “I am hungry”, which one is “I am sleepy”, which one says “My belly hurts” and which one means “Change my nappy”.
- She catered to all our needs, running to us at the slightest of sounds, holding, coaxing, cajoling us back to a laughter and smiles. She stood for hours rocking us to sleep, singing lullaby’s to put us to peaceful while she drinks coffee’s to stay up.
- A couple of yrs in her lap and we are making her chase us from room to room. And….she….like always….runs after us with that content smile. Playing Peek-A-Boo when she soo wanted to watch that movie. All her social life ends, and we become her entire world. She revolves around us, like our very own satellite making us her focus.
- Each Mum showers her love through food. They make the dishes we love, with utmost care, tasting the dish she to make sure it is not too spicy for us. She even feeds us with her hands, blowing air on the spoonful to make it mild enough to be fed. At times she even eats our leftovers because she knows that food must not be wasted.
- She is our first school. Teaching us things way before time, so that we stay ahead of all others, She wants to see all admiring us, appreciating us. She intends to remain in the shadows and us to be the focus.
- Years keep rolling as we keep depending more and more on mother, for emotional support, as a shield in our battles, as our absolution when we do wrong, as our faith when we want to confess, as our punching bag when we need to vent and even as our savings account in need of money. She plays each role with a content smile on her lips. The more we need for her, the happier she is. She takes pride in being our need.
- She wakes up before us and sleeps after us in our school life. Sometimes she even fights our bullies for us. Remember that time when she did your homework for you? When she got scolded by your teacher and your dad for your insubordination and pranks? The countless times she sat by your bed till your fever went down. When she cried to see your bruised knee and nearly fainted when you got stitches? When she was more nervous than you on your exams. ?
- When we go to college, she saw her dreams in our eyes. She fought dad to let us pursue what we wanted. She emptied her savings to pay for that coaching we needed. She was happiest when we brought friends home. She blushed when we were in love. We never told her, but she knew. She always knew what’s in our heart and who is in our heart.
- She blessed us on the first day of your job, telling us that soon you would touch heights no one ever achieved. On the day of our wedding, she was the one who was running an errand for days upon days. She was the one who took care that everything was perfect and she struggled to make it memorable for us. And then, she watched us from behind the curtains as we move on with our lives, having kids of our own, praying for our well being when we moved out of her home. Still,. Her love is just the same each time we see her. She eagerly awaits our next visit.
Now, is the time when she is old. Her body is not that strong, her steps aren’t that stable and her eyes aren’t that sharp. She has to strain of her daily work, hearing isn’t that clear, speech is a bit slurred. NOW, is the time to use that language we invented years ago again into use. But this time, we need to switch roles with her. This time we need to understand her unspoken words. We need to wipe her mouth after each bite, we need to hold her hand as she takes her last steps just like she did with our first, we need to read the newspaper to her, and we need to take her out with us. We must learn to accept her in her fading years and never feel ashamed of her clumsiness. Now, is the time we must be patient and understanding. Now is the time when we must realise that “Mum needs her tea”, “Ma wants to take rest”, “Ammi’s medicines needs restocking, “Aai must be taken to the Doctor”, “Amma needs Money”, “Mother want me to sit by her till she falls asleep”. Try to do just a fraction of what she did unto you. It will be more than enough for her, her blessing will protect you from all evil in life. Making a mother’s heart is no less than a criminal offence, just without any punishment to it.
Remember, Mother is a piece of Heaven. None, after her, will love you better.”
(The Featured Image is sketched by my brother Manoranjan Gopal Priya.)
- Don’t stay with someone who antagonizes you or belittles you.
If you feel lonely, you’re better off being alone.
Know when to walk away.
You can gauge a person’s love for you by how they treat you when they are upset with you.
Love is a verb, not a noun.
When a lightbulb goes out, you fix the lightbulb. You don’t get a new house.
Don’t settle for someone who has zero regard for your feelings or wants just because you’ve been together a long time.
Just because you love each other does not mean that you’re good together long-term.
No relationship is perfect and there will be conflict. What matters is the desire to solve the problem.
Always fight the problem, not the other person. If you keep this in mind when arguing, you’ll be able to actually resolve the issue than be mad at each other.
Don’t look for a girl you want to treat like a princess, look for a girl you want to treat like a partner.
Don’t disparage your SO behind their back.
Confidence isn’t “I know she likes me”, confidence is “I’ll be okay whether she likes me or not.”
There are a number of people you can be compatible with. No one is perfect. You have to work at love.
You’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.
The grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.
Stop trying to find the right person and start trying to BE the right person.
The person who cares least in the relationship has the most control.
Don’t fall in love with your waitress, hooker, or therapist.
It’s better to be happy than to be right.
Always be the first to genuinely apologize after a fight.
You can’t expect someone to love you when you can’t love yourself.
Just because you liked the friend-version of someone doesn’t mean you’ll like the relationship-version of them.
Before you move in with your partner, go on a road trip with them.
Don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. Vulnerability can bring you closer together and strengthen the two of you.
When you and your SO are arguing, remember—it’s you and them VS the problem. Not you VS them.
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.
It takes two happy individuals to make a happy relationship.
If the world didn’t give each other second chances, we would all be single.
Everyone is searching for the perfect person, but no one is trying to be the perfect person.
If you love the memories more than the relationship, it’s time to move on.
Just because a person is right or perfect for you, you may not be the right one for them.
If it’s broken, fix it. If you’ve lost count of how many times it’s broken, or the cost of repair far outweighs the initial outlay, throw it away and move on.
Out of all the things needed for a successful relationship, love barely makes the top 5. Honesty, loyalty, trust, and communication all have to be there.
Always hold hands when talking about the hard stuff. It helps to keep the negative emotions in check & shows you care.
Be the man or woman you would want your future or current child dating.
Love is about appreciation, not possession.
40.Don’t go to bed angry. Everything will be there and worse in the morning.
- Always seduce your lover, even if you are in a committed relationship. Otherwise, another person will.
42.If she threatens to leave, help her pack her bags.
- Keep no secrets, tell no lies.
Sometimes you gotta wise up and let go. Yes, it hurts. But it’ll hurt more in the future.
Relationships aren’t hard. If it is hard, you are probably with the wrong person.
Love is not a feeling. Feelings fade, change, respond to situations and events. Love is a choice.
If it feels wrong at the beginning, it probably won’t get better.
48.If you’re keeping score you already lost.
- Love is an action, not a feeling. It’s learned and developed skill, not an experience. Not that the romantic feeling doesn’t exist or isn’t a wonderful part of the relationship, but it doesn’t make it last.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.