My Mother And Me Made A New Language.

Mother is not a word. Mother is the whole different language. She is the language understood only by her children. Only the mother and her kids are privy to this language, it exists for them, by them, between them. No third person can ever comprehend it. Though, like all languages, this too has some set rules and dynamics.

I will tell you a few things about a few things that are typical to all mother-kid duo.

  1. A mother is the one who understands us even before we are born and opened our eyes in this world. She took care of us for the nine months we were nothing but trouble to her. She suffered and went through so much pain to bring us forth. She is our first home.
  2. Even though she was going through hell, her heart ached for our first cry. She was already possessive of us. She was already telling the nurses and the doctors to handle us with care. Like she knew us from long back like we have shared a bond forever and we were always a part of her. She was the one our first words, saw us take our first steps. Each one an epic moment for her.
  3. Then comes endless sleepless nights for her on our account. But never once she complained, comprehended our cries, making out which one is for “I am hungry”, which one is “I am sleepy”, which one says “My belly hurts” and which one means “Change my nappy”.
  4. She catered to all our needs, running to us at the slightest of sounds, holding, coaxing, cajoling us back to a laughter and smiles. She stood for hours rocking us to sleep, singing lullaby’s to put us to peaceful while she drinks coffee’s to stay up.
  5. A couple of yrs in her lap and we are making her chase us from room to room. And….she….like always….runs after us with that content smile. Playing Peek-A-Boo when she soo wanted to watch that movie. All her social life ends, and we become her entire world. She revolves around us, like our very own satellite making us her focus.
  6. Each Mum showers her love through food. They make the dishes we love, with utmost care, tasting the dish she to make sure it is not too spicy for us. She even feeds us with her hands, blowing air on the spoonful to make it mild enough to be fed. At times she even eats our leftovers because she knows that food must not be wasted.
  7. She is our first school. Teaching us things way before time, so that we stay ahead of all others, She wants to see all admiring us, appreciating us. She intends to remain in the shadows and us to be the focus.
  8. Years keep rolling as we keep depending more and more on mother, for emotional support, as a shield in our battles, as our absolution when we do wrong, as our faith when we want to confess, as our punching bag when we need to vent and even as our savings account in need of money. She plays each role with a content smile on her lips. The more we need for her, the happier she is. She takes pride in being our need.
  9. She wakes up before us and sleeps after us in our school life. Sometimes she even fights our bullies for us. Remember that time when she did your homework for you? When she got scolded by your teacher and your dad for your insubordination and pranks? The countless times she sat by your bed till your fever went down. When she cried to see your bruised knee and nearly fainted when you got stitches? When she was more nervous than you on your exams. ?
  10. When we go to college, she saw her dreams in our eyes. She fought dad to let us pursue what we wanted. She emptied her savings to pay for that coaching we needed. She was happiest when we brought friends home. She blushed when we were in love. We never told her, but she knew. She always knew what’s in our heart and who is in our heart.
  11. She blessed us on the first day of your job, telling us that soon you would touch heights no one ever achieved. On the day of our wedding, she was the one who was running an errand for days upon days. She was the one who took care that everything was perfect and she struggled to make it memorable for us. And then, she watched us from behind the curtains as we move on with our lives, having kids of our own, praying for our well being when we moved out of her home. Still,. Her love is just the same each time we see her. She eagerly awaits our next visit.

Now, is the time when she is old. Her body is not that strong, her steps aren’t that stable and her eyes aren’t that sharp. She has to strain of her daily work, hearing isn’t that clear, speech is a bit slurred. NOW, is the time to use that language we invented years ago again into use. But this time, we need to switch roles with her. This time we need to understand her unspoken words. We need to wipe her mouth after each bite, we need to hold her hand as she takes her last steps just like she did with our first, we need to read the newspaper to her, and we need to take her out with us. We must learn to accept her in her fading years and never feel ashamed of her clumsiness. Now, is the time we must be patient and understanding. Now is the time when we must realise that “Mum needs her tea”, “Ma wants to take rest”, “Ammi’s medicines needs restocking, “Aai must be taken to the Doctor”, “Amma needs Money”, “Mother want me to sit by her till she falls asleep”. Try to do just a fraction of what she did unto you. It will be more than enough for her, her blessing will protect you from all evil in life. Making a mother’s heart is no less than a criminal offence, just without any punishment to it.

Remember, Mother is a piece of Heaven. None, after her, will love you better.”

(The Featured Image is sketched by my brother Manoranjan Gopal Priya.)

Half A Dream

The night of half moon is half gone
Hopefully, what we have to say is not half left unsaid
This rendezvous halved
My dearest, half, unfulfilled is the language of love
Therefore, let your desires are half relinquished
The eyes are half downcast
The lashes too are half closed his rain halF a drizzle
This rain half a drizzle
How long shall this hope remain half
Shall this thirst never be quenched?
The breeze is thirst, the sky is parched
The caravan of stars if halved as well
The melody on Lord’s flute is half
His own love was left incomplete
Eyes are half bloomed, Lips are half wet
The wish to be one with you forever is half still
My love is half of a dream
Complete it my Love
My cravings are half complete
Realise them, Baby
My Passion is half Realised
Take it to finale Honey
My story with you is not Final
Give it a Happy Ending my Darling
My desires are half Ended
Take them to the sky Sweetheart
My sky is not Starlit
Be my moon my Beloved
My moon needs a Night
Be that Night my Lady
My Night needs a Sunrise
Be my Sun my Sweets
My Sunny days need Rains
Rain on me endlessly my Angel
Be Mine Be Mine Be MINE

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Soulful Rendezvous

You are smiling, tell me the pain you are hiding?
You have a tearful smile on your Lips
You are Pining on the inside of this facade
Your tears will turn to poison, the tears you swallow silently
These wounds healed by time, why you peel them again
Some things are Destined, You have lost to Destiny
No one can justify being alone,
The one that was yours is another’s today
Why this happens, why was this bound to happen
Is the world is such? Why is it such then?
If you hold my hand once, I will hold yours forever
My heart will beat inside your chest
Where there is Love, why is there such vast distance
Someone has not left this deserted home
Someone still knocks on the depleted heart
Why he gives hope to a shattered soul
The downcast eyes are holding turbulent storms
There is some heat in the embers of the blazing fire
Count the beats of your youthful heart once
Tell me, isn’t it as restless as mine?
The one moment when Love gains Maturity
Aren’t you hopeful for that solitary moment in time
I deny the world, for your sake
Do you have that kind is faith in yourself?

Oh ! Pristine Love….

They say Love can’t be seen. They say Wrong. I have seen Love. He is very handsome. He looks like a Royalty.
They say Love is Blind. They are Wrong. Love is all seeing. It can see the smiles and the tears in my eyes without even really seeing me. It can see like a scanner right through me. Like I am made of glass. Love has keen eyes.
They say Love is Deaf and Dumb. They say Wrong. Love has the most delicious voice, and it speaks the most beautiful language. Love talks soothingly when I am sad, it laughs when I crack jokes. It hears loud and clear. It can hear the pain I am hiding, the mischief I did.
They say Love Can’t be Touched. They say Wrong. I have touched him. He has the silkiest skin and most tender touch.
They say Love isn’t Tangible. They are Wrong. Love can be felt in the heart, it can exist in the soul, it can reside in mind.
They say Love has no Fragrance. They say Wrong. Love smells like Damp Earth, like Petrichor. I have Sniffed him. He has the scent of First Rain, of Sandalwood, of Rajnigandha.
They say Love is Madness. They are Wrong. Love is wisest of them all. He has the Wisdom of an Old man, the Innocence of a Child and the Determination of Youth.
They say Love doesn’t know Right from Wrong. They are Wrong. Love knows it all. But he is too pure to Judge. He is too unconditional to favour the Rights and abandon the Wrongs. He Embraces both with equal Affection.
They say Love is Aimless. They say Wrong. Love shows the Path always. Love guides with Knowledge, Love Inspires with Passion, Love Leads when we are too scared to take a step forward.
They say Love Cages. They are Wrong. Love sets a Free. It gives Wings. It offers a new horizon for us to open our wings and fly high. Love releases our Fears. It breaks the chains stopping us from taking the Leap of Faith.
They say Love is Pain. They say Wrong. It ends all misery and ends all pain. It brings a calm and peace never felt before. It is the proof that one soul can live in two bodies.
What is Life without you, my Love
They have no flavour, the dry Nights
Don’t go, can’t do without you
Don’t go, I won’t find another
What is a Monsoon without you
Oh ! My Beloved, I call out to you
These pale nights won’t go by
Without you…..Moon isn’t Silver
Sun is just dust, Withered Trees
Moist eyes, teary eyes, distressed soul
Oh, listen to my soulmate
Always be in love/live in love
Oh pristine love, don’t ever wake up
Don’t ever let your feet touch the ground
If you ever look into my eyes
Your eyes tell me a story
Which, though never comes on your lips!

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You Were Mine…

The day we parted ways
Neither of us shed any tears
But neither of us slept that night
The Shadow of Moonlight kept us up since then
You were my companion
You walked with me, but there was no Harmony
Through the Sunshine and the Shade, we walked
There was no Estrangement Yet
There was animosity, Indifference and anguish but,
There was everything, but there was no Infidelity
The Kohl you put in my eyes was too Rough to Bear
My eyes hold you in them, they can hold none else
Your eyes kept my song at the time of Parting
But that song was never sung aloud, never told

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Till Death Do Us Apart….

His memory followed me even when he moved on
It was after me even though I had pushed him away
It was tracing my footsteps through the barren lands
It was sneaking up on me from behind trees and rocks in those forests
It was lurking out at the most ungodly hours in the snow-capped mountain peaks
It was chasing me to the sand dunes; it waited near the oasis to quench his thirst
He was hunting me down like a deer caught in headlights
He was pursuing me through the deep dark caves under the Earth
He was tracking me down to the waterfalls of Niagara
He was walking down to my trail and reaching out to me as I break down, not letting me rise
He wanted me to be back, his memory not letting me find a hideaway
He wanted me somehow, his reminiscence making me trip every time I move on
His words coming back from the past to haunt me
His touch still spreading its arms, ambushing me unawares
I sat there and cried, wailed, shouted, threw stones at him, asking him to leave me alone. The wind blowing hard on my face, chilling me to the bone. My hair was scattered all around me as I gathered some loose strands and tucked them behind my ear. I Heard him then. His voice howled with the wind right in my ear as I closed my eyes. It was like he is sitting next to me, startled I opened my eyes and saw him, he was sitting right in front of me.
He just smiled, held my hand, looked into my eyes, and told me “I won’t leave you, I am here for life. You have left me, but I won’t leave you. My memory will chase you to the ends of this Earth. I will live inside you till the end of Time. You can’t hide from me; I will never let go. You know why? Because I live in each breath you take, I survive in your thoughts; I feed on your soul, I drink the blood of your heart, I get stronger with each tear you shed. I am here for a lifetime, remember the promise” he said with an ashen face as I looked transfixed into those mystical eyes.
“Yes”, I told him. I remember it; I remember the promise “we will live in each other, we will never be apart, nothing separates us but death”….. I said that to his memory as he smiled and vanished into a puff of smoke, drifting with fog. I buried my face in my knees, wrapping my hands around me, wanting to feel safe and secure, and repeated those words “nothing separates us but death, nothing separates us but death, nothing separates us but death”.
I removed the blades I wore in around my neck and held one to my wrist. My hands trembled, my breath caught in my throat, my heart beating hard like a drum, my mouth went dry and throat parched. His voice came in my ear “Do it”. I closed my eyes, steeled my heart, stopped breathing and drew the blade across my wrist. The blood splashed across the floor. The pain seared through me, scourging my being. And I saw you, your face in the blood that pooled around me. With every drop that flowed you drained from my body. It was getting quieter, peaceful, sleepy. What a relief to have exorcised you from my soul. I smiled in contentment before all thoughts left me and I slept in the lap of my free soul. Unburdened of the promise we made, I kept it, baby, I kept my promise love. Nothing separates us but Death.

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You, Me, Us, Love…..

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Love is trying not to Disturb but ending up by spending all day with him/her
It is Childish

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Love is not wantitng to hang up the Phone
It is Random

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Love is the kiss before you sleep and after you wake up
It is Excitement

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Love is the Sweet Nothings never told or said
It is Stupid

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Love is Perfection in Imperfection
It is Acknowledgement

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Love is missing him/her as soon as he/she leaves
It is Nostalgic

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Love is passing by that open door because it’s not Time yet
It is Tolerance

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Love is touching him/her from the top of head to tip of toe
It is Not having Inhibition

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Love is never having to say “let’s make love” as you already know what he/she wants
It is Awareness

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Love is chucking things at him/her when you are angry on Self
It is Venting

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Love is knowing just what to say to turn a ordinary moment into mad laughter
It is Fun

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Love is fearlessly saying “No” when you know what you want Precisely
It is Freedom

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Love is not talking to each other and wanting him/her to talk first
It is Ego

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Love is when you buy a blue Tshirt for him/her and he/she wears it even though he/she hates Blue
It is Pampering

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Love is crying rivers because he/she couldn’t make it for your Birthday
It is Hurtful

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Love is saying “Don’t you dare stop”
It is Craving

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Love is the Trail of clothes you both made from Frontdoor to Bedroom
It is Desperation

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Love if finding him/her the Prettiest or Handsomest
It is Focus

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Love is knowing its late but ignoring the Clock
It is Recklessness

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Love is wrapping your arms around him/her on the Bike on open road
It is Boldness

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Love is staying up to watch him/her Sleep
It is Tenderness

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Love is waking up to wake up from a dream of him/her and find him/her in your arms
It is Wistfulness

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Love is having his/her razor next to your toothbrush
It is Adaptation

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Love is both of you taking up just one third of a king size bed
It is Closeness

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Love is exchanging house keys
It is Trust

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Love is Dressing in the same mirror and blushing as you both look perfect together
It is Reflection

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Love is letting him/her eat your French Fries
It is Sacrifice

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Love is when you feel a little taller whenever he/her is praised
It is Proud

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Love is Giving him/her a head massage when you both have headache
It is Selfless

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Love is sniffing each other’s Perfume and Cologne
It is Longing

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Love is being tired of Kissing and Hugging but still doing it cause you just can’t stop
It is Compulsion

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Love is watching him/her as they dress
It is Tease

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Love is enjoying the Silence together
It is Companionship

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Love is wanting him/her to say your name over and over
It is Satisfaction

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Love is telling each other “it’s all over” but knowing it can never be over and done
It is Powerful

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Love is checking the salt in the dish and then keeping aside the larger portion for him/her
It is Surrender

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Love is when you cry seeing him/her hurt and bleed
It is Painful

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Love is fantasising of him/her in all Movies, Novels and Songs
It is Desire

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Love is seeing him/her sick, down and low but kissing him/her more
It is Undying

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Love is giving a standing Ovation when he/she performed drastically bad
It is Encouragement

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Love is when she sips Coffee from his mug even though she hates Coffee
It is Sharing

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Love is hugging him/her even when he/she is all dirty and sweaty and smelly
It is Insanity
image.jpegLove is quietly doing his/her chores without letting him/her know
It is Caring
imageLove is forgetting worries and pains in each other’s arm
Love is being Home

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